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Chronic Illness. How to Be Ill Without Making Your Caregivers Sick Part 1

Chronic illness can cause us to be chronic complainers. But who wants to visit a crabby, bed-ridden person only to hear details of every painful body part, every doctor's visit, and every glitch with the pharmacy? Very few of us, I'm sure. As someone diagnosed many years ago with a chronic illness, I'm sure I've been guilty of some of these adverse behaviors. But I've also learned a bit (hopefully) about making it easier for family, friends, and caregivers to help me.

1) Be honest but not detailed.

When asked, "How are you feeling?" it's probably not a good idea to mention that your ingrown toenail and split-ends have a lot of nerve flaring up at the exact moment you're vomiting from your last chemo session. However, it is a good idea to mention that you're unusually weak or you've lost your appetite.

2) Find other things to discuss.

After fielding the usual polite questions about your health, move on. Ask your visitor about his job and his kids' soccer games. Talk about current events. Compliment him on his latest haircut (or if he needs one, on his new longer hairstyle). If you can't think of anything else, you can always talk about the weather.

3) Be specific when you ask for help.

There are days of total frustration when every minute task seems monumental and you just feel like screaming, "I NEED HELP!" The cavalry (your spouse, children, roommate) comes running, and says, "Can you be a bit more specific, please?" Pick one or two do-able tasks that will be genuinely helpful and reduce your stress level. Then state those requests clearly. Examples:

A) Please help me off the commode.

B) Please close the blinds/help me inside. My sunscreen is only 85 SPF.

C) Please hand me the remote. I think two hours of infomercials on WonderWowWoolie Underwear is adequate (especially after I've been in the blinding hot sun all morning).

4) Engage in humor whenever possible.

If you can't think of something to share, get a joke book. Practice telling the jokes to your dog, your mirror, or the next health care professional you meet. If none of them laugh, get a new joke book.

Actually, your everyday life probably provides you with plenty of humorous material. What about the conversations you overheard in the emergency room? (Really, nurse, I didn't know that peeling a potato with an ax could be dangerous!) Or the mix-up with the pharmacy when your name, Sam Jones, is mistaken for Samantha Jones and the cashier tries to sell you birth-control pills. If you are very alert, you could probably find enough material to write your own joke book. (Just be sure to acknowledge me in the credits, please, for giving you such a brilliant idea.)

Remember, your close friends and family members really do care about those aches and pains, the doctor's prognosis, your treatments and other challenges. Those folks will always care about you and love you even when you go off the deep end with your detailed complaints. (Because frankly, it's sickening to be sick!) But if you can also lighten up, laugh and listen to all of your caregivers, life will be easier for everyone.

Copyright 2008 by Ann Richmond Fisher

About the Author

Ann Fisher has had relapsing-remitting multiple sclerosis since 1989. She is also a long-time published writer of educational materials. Ann owns www.WordFishery.com which contains unique word puzzles. Print out a few puzzles to solve while you're trying not to complain about your aches and pains.